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Silence, Is it Because

Our Silence, Is It Because..

by maureen st.clair

Is it because deep down in our bones this feels like an apocalypse, our nervous systems not allowing us to go there cause then what, then what?

Is it because nobody taught us how to grieve, to stay with pain and suffering long enough to feel, feel deep into our shared humanity?

Is it because we’ve not been taught/shown to be more than our relentless pursuit of happiness?

Is it because we don’t have time; an impossibly busy day punctuated with endless scrolling and posts posting reflecting how happy and healed and healing we are?

Is it because we feel like a hypocrite, and in retaliation we choose not to engage because what about Sudan? Haiti? Congo? Ethiopia; and all the other countries going through unimaginable violence? Is it because we’re angry that mainstream media dictates who gets our sorrow, our sympathy, our compassion, our activism?

Is it because moral anguish keeps us from speaking up and out, leaning into any of the multiple genocides, past and present?

Is it because we will offend those we love, those who economically sustain us, those who fire and employ us, those who are wealthy and make our dreams come true, our manifestations manifest; is it because you will have to stop serving, appeasing the wealthy, the capitalist agenda serving unquenchable egos bringing some of us popularity and power?

Is it because there are undercurrents, deep impenetrable undercurrents of sorrow running through us and we are grasping onto the shoreline with bloody fingers ripping deep into personal and collective shame?

Is it because our media diet is mainstream and all we see and hear is what the US backed corporate-run media stations want us to see, not genocide but terrorism eradicated?

Is it because our perception of time, our use of time won’t allow sourcing different media outlets that give us another side, a hopefully broader perspective to the world and how it works and how we are a majority of small fish swimming in a pool of sharks?

Is it because we are on our way to a sunny tropical destination and we will not let anything get in our way of sunshine and warmth?

Is it because we’ve not been taught how to be in hard conversations, how to be and do conflict, how to calm our nervous systems while experiencing unconscious and conscious trauma responses; is it because we do not know how to access our bodies as a tool for calming when all we want to do is defend, flee, appease, or freeze?

Is it because we are afraid of being cancelled?

Is it because we’d rather hold on to the kinda optimism that can’t coexist with pain, grief sorrow, terror?

Is It because we have not found a middle way to dance under the stars, make offerings to our gods, embrace the transpersonal, the ritual and still lean and feel the terrors of this world and find our voices in support for those whose lives have been torn apart by genocide?

Is it because our lives finally feel good and at ease and to go to the underbelly of global fraught is just too fraught and so we stay in the goodness of the moment warding off all emotions that don’t align with the luck of goodness manifested over and over?

Is it because we do not know how to hold multitudes?

Is it because we can’t come off our phones long enough to deeply feel the collapse of humanity all around us?

Is it because we are angry, inconvenienced, irritated, enraged, sad, bored by these words and abandoned this poem long ago?

by maureen st. clair

image: Statue with flower wreath Photo by Couleur, on Pexels

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